That night on the train home her eyes followed me the entire way. Every reflection, every half-glimpsed person shouldering their way out the doors, every hushed conversation was a blink of those green eyes, a whisper through reinforced plexiglass. Instead of my usual, measured glances around the subway car, my head swung wildly, hoping to catch her. When my stop finally came, I rushed out the still-opening doors and ran up the escalator towards street level. I needed out. Needed to breath. Pushing open the station doors was like a bucket of cold water on my face. Lights. People. Traffic. Real wind. This is what I needed now; to lose myself in this above-ground maelstrom of human interaction, this turbulent noise. On the subway, or the bus or the tram, I watch everything and everyone. Out here, I’m safe watching nothing, an anonymous cell in the city, letting it all wash over me.
Oblivious but accommodating to the stalls, hustlers, and general foot traffic around me, I walked up Bonvis Ave. to a little parkette I used to frequent when my people watching was more super than subterranean. I found my bench looking a bit older, a few more tags scrawled on the wobbly slats, and sat down like you would getting into your favourite armchair. I needed to carve out a little bubble of solitude, to process what the fuck had just happened. No one’s ever flipped it on me in quite that way, made me the object of such disconcerting study. I closed my eyes and laid down.

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